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Well, as the whole world knows, I am the most accomplished person in history, with many world records and supernatural powers. But the main attraction of my circus of fame is my communist island, Navetopia. The Island is almost the size of India, but holds a total of 4 billion people. All of my citizens are of the Navican religion, and those who aren't are persecuted in the many torture chambers that we have in our torture facility in Downtown Navetopia. Anyone who speaks out against our government is tickle tortured, and I personally do the tickling (Me and Mao are best buds). But this island came to be one day when I was 3: and that's when my life became extra-extra extraordinary.

At the age of 3, I had already assasinated my parents and was on the run from the law. I hijacked a boat just off the San DIego Bay and used one of my many cool superpowers to pick the lock and speed away from the cops, who were firing gunshots at me. I took my Bazooka and my Riot Shield (don't ask where I got them from) and used a classic strategy where I defended myself with the bullet-proof Riot Shield and blew them up along with 42 and 1/2 innocent bystanders, using my (awesome) custom Bazooka of death.

I continued in the boat out in the Pacific Ocean, and that's where I noticed a land formation quickly arising out of the water, cooincdentally just as I got there. I parked my hijacked boat near it, and to my surprise there was already vegetation and animals living. I built myself a hut out of wood, which I later added onto to create a wooden skyrise sort of thing. Although this task was daunting, I completed it in 32.357 seconds (another one of my powers is accurate counting) and shot a bunch of animals with my bazooka. I ate most of these, but the rest of the carcasses I burned in my artificial campfire (which I also made) because I thought it was funny. I quickly realized I could become a millionare selling Time Shares here, but I had a better idea: Market it as a tourist site, trap the people, and take away their civil rights. That also sounded funny to do.

So I flew back to the states with my retractable wings, and put up posters all over the major cities: Anchorage, Alaska, Lansing, Michigan, and Bismark, North Dakota, to name a few. I quickly had people pouring into my city, and once I reached 1,000,000 I put up the walls and told them about there new communist leadership. It was surprisingly easy to do.

I actually don't believe in communism. It's just funny to run as a policy. It's also fun to torture people that speak their minds. It's fun to be allies with irrational countries.

CRESCENT AND HAMMER 4 LIFE

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